Miss Jen

Moments of Jen: The one where she eats cake and stuff.

2011-11-11T01:26:00.000-08:00

I have decided that this will be a new segment.

Basically consisting of all the embarrassing things I do on a regular basis. Yay!

There is something utterly ridiculous and uncoordinated about me which comes out in perfectly timed moments (a self-deprecating montage is flitting across my mind right now, feel free to send me any additional memories I may have repressed).

In moments like these, I can only cringe. And hope that people find it endearing (which I know they don’t).

During the period in which I worked in an office, there was a giant shopping complex located a short walk away. My lunch breaks were spent rapidly spending the money I had just earnt like a small child who has just discovered that money can actually buy you all the things.(Note: I still haven’t really come out of this mindset, it is just I have no said money to spend presently ;) ).

On one occasion, I was walking by one of the coffee shops when I saw a slice of cheesecake in the glass window (cue the chorus of hallelujahs). I decided this would be a great alternative for lunch, so bought it and started walking back to the office (as I had spent my whole break shopping....instead of having lunch). The plan was to keep it in the fridge, and take it home in the afternoon.

I made it around the corner. Then decided I could not wait any longer. I needed to taste this cake. So naturally, I found the nearest building, and huddled under the patio, trying to subtly taste the culinary masterpiece in privacy.

It was only after a few minutes that I realised the building I was huddled near, was in fact the major gym of the area.

The window I was looking into? The cardio exercise class.

The people inside the room staring back? Yes they could all see me. Eating cake.

In front of them while they were exercising vigorously.

I'm fully aware they don't have necks. But it is an observation of mine, that people who attend the gym regularly rarely have necks.

I imagine they were either shaking their heads in disgust, or swearing at me under their breath for bringing “cake-eating” impulses to the front of their minds again (yes, I have decided this is an actual thing. It explains a lot).

I can see it now. In their minds, I was probably the girl who had tried summon up all the willpower I possessed in order to just drive to the gym. I had set a goal to be empowered, and sexy and fit.

Only to be found eating cake at the door a few minutes later.

It’s the story of my life really.

Melody.

2011-10-22T05:13:00.000-07:00

They move in time,

To a broken melody,

A mistaken tune,

Heard only once before.

Inside her skin,

The heart meets it's enemy,

She watches her words,

Bleed softly onto the floor.

I thought I would apologise for my absence by posting part of a song I recently wrote. I originally was going to share a video of me singing it, but thought I would spare you all. You're better for it. Probably.

Expect more regularity now, I plan on changing things up a little bit.

Money (That's What I Want)

2011-05-25T20:13:00.000-07:00

Being a Student #1

Hey guys,

I know it’s been a little while, but I promise I haven’t been eaten by a giant assignment or anything yet (it was a close call though...I have the paper cuts to show for it). I’ve been asked by uni to write about the joys and perils of being a student on my blog. This first post will be on a topic that will always be relevant for students: money.

However old you are, most of you will remember your parents telling you the old adage, money doesn’t grow on trees. It doesn’t go all Harry Potter and magically multiply in your pocket either. I know, I’ve tried.

For those who are considering joining the Murdoch student flanks mid-year, the prospect of giving up full-time work can be a little daunting, but there are a few ways you can keep your income flowing (better than a line of Chuck Norris jokes):

Carpooling with a friend, or classmate who lives nearby will help both your savings and the environment. For those who live nearby, riding a bike will also be a cheaper and healthier transport alternative. Unless you have a Hagrid style flying bike. Pretty sure those aren’t eco (logically, or nomically) friendly.
Try to avoid buying food at uni every day. After a while it will start to add up (for those like me who are not mathematically inclined, this is very simple maths. Gradually taking from your wallet, and adding to your waist). This may sound like a fairly obvious tip, but I learnt this the difficult way in first semester. If you are a regular coffee drinker like me, bringing a thermos of coffee from home may be worth it. Or not. It's up to you really.
Check to see if any books on your booklist are available at the Guild second hand bookshop. Books are usually sold at a reduced price there, and are still good quality. You can even sell your own unwanted uni books there. Or your soul. The Guild will help you do all sorts of neat things.
Finally, find part-time work to suit your time table and study load. A lot of businesses specifically seek uni students, as they need workers who can work flexible hours. The summer and winter breaks will give you the time to build up your savings between each semester, and time to travel if you choose. A lot of students I know use the breaks to road trip together, or travel interstate.

Still worried about becoming a student? Keep in mind that after a few years you will not only have gained some invaluable experiences that only university can offer (after all, why do so many people keep coming back. Not talking about myself, I swear) but you will have significantly increased the chances of finding a job that you are passionate about.

There is an old adage that is true: Find a job that you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life. The first step is finding out something you’re passionate about.

If you’re uncertain, Murdoch has a list of courses for prospective students. There’s also a handy interactive quiz for those who are still unsure about their interests:

http://www.murdoch.edu.au/Courses/

http://www.murdoch.edu.au/Future-students/Figure-out-your-course/

It’s a shame there’s no degree on Harry Potter.

This is what happens when.....

2011-03-08T07:08:00.000-08:00

Hallo folks.

I've got some super posts planned, and coming your way soon. But I thought I'd show you a picture of my new (oh so ginger hair). It wasn't intentional- but you know, it happens sometimes.

Like when my brother was born.

I kind of look like a vampire :(

By the end of the day when this photo was taken, my skin matched my hair. You can tell I'm really pleased about that. Excuse the myspacey shot, I was trying to avoid the sun reflecting back on my head. It's a daily struggle that is ( I know the photo is indoors, but my window was open).

Speaking of which (I can relate anything back to this), I'm thinking of starting a cake eating club. Who wouldn't want to glorify cake eating, really? Name suggestions? I like The Cake Eating Society myself.

I promise "the club" isn't just a guise to get you all to bring me cake....

I was born this way

2011-02-24T18:59:00.000-08:00

Oh awesome ones.

I didn't think it was possible, but I actually had too much coffee last night.

I posted this on twitter at about midnight, it pretty much shows where my mind was at:

Also this. This fascinates me.

The coffee was supposed to help me get some work done. Did it work? Not really no.

Good news is, I have remastered some of my old posts- and they now have more cartoons!

Yay for everyone.

Wizards, all the time.

2011-02-23T02:53:00.000-08:00

Weheartit.com

Right now is my favourite part of day. That of course is the part where you eat icecream.

Let me paint the image for you. As I write this I am sitting on my floor, with a bowl of nutella and icecream cradled in my lap. I am also wearing my new consolatory boots. I have possibly moved some of my furniture against my door.

This isn't me being paranoid. I know any minute someone is going to burst in and try and take this icecream away from me. I have a reason to believe this. Call it female intuition ( or maybe the ladies from Special K.) I am determined to have this icecream, and let it heal the sad parts of my soul.

If anyone comes through the door at the moment, I will probably bite them. Normal, yes?

There's also the boots to make me feel better. Those boots lovers who are out there, should know what consulatory boots are. I will explain this term to the rest.

That's pretty much it. It's a simple, but meaningful process. One where my cupboard bears the front of my emotional, coping, and life problems. So yeah, everyone wins.

Some of you might be wondering why I'm so very sad. Well let's just say I will no longer be attending my graduation ceremony. It's a long story (but not really), that is completely my fault. The money I would have used for ceremony, I have now spent on the boots. A better use of the money? Probably.

Will I still be graduating? Yes. Just not in front of people (which is probably best, considering my clumsy tendencies). I wanted to wear the robe though- even if it was so I could pretend to be a wizard again. Like the good old days, where I could pretend I wasn't an adult.

Anyway. A friend of mine was telling me about his new place. Apparently after living there a week, he has hardly seen the other people who live there, and so has no idea how to work or find anything. He wondered if he should set a trap to capture the other occupants.

As he was telling me, in my mind (of course) envisioned this:

He's not really a wizard. Unfortunate.

Life update: Life after (or immediately before) graduation.

2011-02-20T19:40:00.000-08:00

Source

I've been meaning to do this for a while ("You mean, actually blog?" You all collectively say). Yes, blog. And you know, let you all know what's the haps. Because things, they are a changing.

So I've made a list of things you should know. Just for you guys- don't tell any one these secrets. (Like you wouldn't have anything better to do. Like the internet isn't safe).

Super vital things you should know:

1. Firstly- I haven't learnt how to fly, or suddenly gained any magical powers or abilities (and by extension, my very late admission into Hogwarts). I know, I'm disappointed too. I had a lot riding on that.

2. I do suspect I still am on a hit list (you will have to have read this post to know this). But so far, I'm still alive and stuff. So yeah, that's cool. (Good job on staying alive Jen!)

I had a pretty vivid dream last night though that my ex (and his family) tried to kidnap and kill me. So who knows. Maybe I should buy some repellant or something (not that I need repellent to repel boys haha. What kind of repellant would keep Italians away from me?).

3. There is a boy.

4. I am still awesome. (I know, you must have been worried for a second there). I am also still mad, and a little strange. So just the way I like it.

5. For those of you expecting letters from me (you know who you are). Don't worry- they're coming. I've started them, but I've been far too busy drawing pictures of myself being a witch to finish them. Clearly. (Actually see below. If anyone else is interested in AN EXCHANGE OF LETTERS, send me an email. Ta!)

6. I graduate in about two weeks. I am also now studying to be a teacher. Post-grad is harder than under-grad (Yeah Jen, that does kind of make sense). I am still writing- and I will try to keep up with blogging. It's part of my plan to take over the blogosphere. I would do an evil laugh about here, but I can't be bothered. Damn you university!

7. My play, has now turned into a bigger project. More details on that soon :)

How have you all been?

Cooking with Vegans!

2011-02-04T01:57:00.000-08:00

ghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The following is a guest post by my friend Ashley. Go say hi over at his blog!

(Note to vegans: he hasn't worked out how to eat you via the internet. So I think you're safe. There has been a lot of discussion about cannibilism directed towards me in the last few weeks- should I be concerned?)

Are your vegan friends getting you down by constantly chanting, “Meat is murder!” ?

Tired of repeatedly pointing out that “life eats life” is part of nature and that
millions of animals are killed during the harvesting process ?

Don’t know why did tofu cross the road?

Then what you need is Cooking With Vegans !

From the same author who brought you international bestsellers such as, “How To Beg Mercy From Your Cat Once Feline World Domination Is Complete” and “How to Catch A Unicorn Without Using Unfair Means Because You Suck At Using Unfair Means”, Cooking With Vegans is jam (made from the fruitiest vegans of course) packed with quick and easy recipes like Honey paprika vegan strips and Baked vegan stuffed with sweet potato and spicy peanut butter to keep your vegan critics quiet.

But Cooking With Vegans is more than just a recipe book. Included inside are tips on how to spot and choose a vegan that’s organically grown.

For example, here’s an extract :

Choosing Vegans At The Supermarket

There’s a high chance, the vegan couple who are scrutinising that packet of jelly sweets are indeed vegan if they ask the retail assistant, “Is the gelatin in this non-animal? Cos, we can’t eat this, if it has gelatin made from animals. We are vegans, you see. ”

Here’s what some of our readers have to say about Cooking With Vegans :

* * *

“None of my vegan friends make fun of my vegan cooking anymore.”

Liz Salamander

“The kids love the mini games like Catch a vegan in under 10 minutes, that are in the Vegan Wednesdays section.”

Nicole Kerenski

“Evil but in a delicious way.”

Marvolo Riddle

* * *

Still not convinced?

If you order right now, we’ll even throw in a free copy of “The Vegan Gobbler” , a children’s fairytale book with extremely gory illustrations to dissuade impressionable young minds from ever becoming vegan.

So what are you waiting for ??

Get your copy of Cooking With Vegans now !

Order your copy at ashleyjoseph.blogspot.com ;)

A blog about procrastination.

2011-01-29T07:18:00.000-08:00

A typical day....

But this is what happens when there is an assignment due.......

You thought you were getting a real post didn't you ;)

Sea bound.

2010-12-28T07:27:00.000-08:00

There is always something about those eyes.

(Sorry for being so cryptic, I think the country air may be affecting my brain)

Being down south has some perks though- if you discount the fact my sister was almost taken by a hawk yesterday (I kid you not). If she wasn't so scared it would have been funny (that's a bit of a lie. She was scared, and it was still funny).

It is also so-much-more-difficult to escape from family down here. Which is a bit of a nightmare around Christmas time.

I also find the kangaroos a bit suspicious, the way they are always watching from behind a tree. I half expect one to step out holding a cigarette, and warn me off.

But I love the trees. They are tall, and green and a plenty. Those of you who read my other blog would know I love the forest (Maybe I'll post some pictures tomorrow).

Anway, I apologise for the lack of regular posts, things have been a bit hectic in the land of Jen. Regular posting schedule back soon. Sorry for the shitty poems.

Merry Christmas and stuff!

Snow, leaves.

2010-12-22T05:41:00.000-08:00

Source

Moonlight shining,

Brightly so,

Yet the dark it creeps on those below.

Restless still, we hear the sighs,

Of those we've lost and hope to find.

Source

In the edgeless shadows of our dreams,

I'll dream of you amongst the leaves,

And in the waking shadow still-

The night is brightly, whisper filled.

Hopeless light, that grows then fades,

Will bring once more the light of day,

And I'll wait once more for silver beams,

To walk with you amongst the leaves.

Awake.

2010-11-29T07:39:00.000-08:00

source.

There is another sky,

Ever serene and fair,

And there is another sunshine,

Though it be darkness there;

I had a dream a few nights ago, and it's been bothering me ever since.

I can feel the story, its presence in the back of my mind- and I can feel I am on the edge of something. But it just keeps slipping away, just out of reach.

Maybe I should buy a dream-catcher.

How do you remember something you never fully knew?

Source.

At this hill.

2010-11-16T19:12:00.000-08:00

Source.

You stand.

At the foot of the hill

and wait for a sign,

the sun.

The promise of a better life.

She dreams,

Of a boy, with leaves in his hair.

Round eyes always,

Turned up to the sky.

A riddle indeed.

2010-11-09T17:39:00.000-08:00

Source.

There are times in a girl's life when she needs to be sensible.

You know, when she stops basing her lifestyle choices on Liz Lemon, gets a real job, and starts looking for the right kind of boy. This is probably one of those times for me, but (as you should all know by now), I'm just going to ignore that.

I might just go eat some cake instead.

Short of handing in my last assignment (it's a matter of printing out the gazillion pages it contains. My tutor is going to shower me with love) I have finished my degree.

That's right, I'm done!

It is at that point, that one usually asks, so what now? The answer for me last night was a drink. Or four.

Beyond that, I really don't know. Which is kind of a little scary, because I am the girl who plans everything out to meticulous, annoying detail.

I have already planned out my last act as a university student-

Source.

I am going to plant Tom Riddle notes in all my library books before I return them.

They will thank me later.

LO and behold- The Moustache!

2010-11-05T23:37:00.000-07:00

Source. I mustache you a question. But I'll shave it for later :{

So once again the month of Movember is upon us.

The mustached man is a bit of a mystery to me. One can't help but think, what is he hiding under there? (Something creepy I bet. But maybe that's just me). I have to admit I have an urge to rip off the mo like a bandaid, just to see.

But needless to say, Movember is for a great cause. According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare, prostate cancer is the most common cancer diagnosed in Australia, and the second greatest cause of cancer deaths in men. Those are some pretty serious stats.

For all the Perthians wanting to get more involved in Movember, Pigeonhole's Lomovember is definitely an event to check out.

Lomovember is a charity event, that showcases the work of Perth lomographers. 100 handpicked images will be on display and sold by silent auction. The proceeds of the auction, and the 5$ entry fee will raise funds for Movember- which is in support of research for men's prostate cancer.

Hannah McGrath
"Secret Garden", WA
Lomovember 2009

Lomovember will run from Friday the 19th of November until Sunday the 21st. More information can be found at the Pigeonhole website:

To all those participating in Movember, I promise I won't try to rip off your mustache!
Or I promise to at least try and restrain myself. (We all know how well that works).

Happy Mustaching!

Fly away now.

2010-11-03T08:34:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to post about this for a while now, it was just a matter of taking the photos.

This is the current project I've been working on for my room. I am nowhere near a thousand yet, they do keep me calm though.

Hopefully I will have more time to finish this, once I'm done with uni! Two days to go!

Air.

2010-10-27T19:55:00.000-07:00

If you breathe, you can feel the air,

colliding, a thousand little molecules,

moments

coelescing, just for

you.

Stay still and you might,

feel them ignite,

A fire within,

you,

burning

bright.

In the night,

the spark will find a

space to

grow.

Until one day

it burns

everything.

Believing in stories..

2010-10-25T10:05:00.000-07:00

Alas, you were dreaming.

2010-10-22T22:31:00.000-07:00

"Am I dreaming?' said she.

"Why don't you try to wake up?" he asked.

She closed her eyes.

"You might not want to leave," he added.

"Dreaming is infinitely better."

Source.

Dreaming: "sequence of sensations, images, thoughts, etc., passing through a sleeping person's mind". (Websters dictionary).

Does anyone else think dreaming is pretty fantastic?

And by 'fantastic' I mean scary, awesome, and strange (of course).

For one of my final projects in my course I am writing a play. After a bit of fooling around, and coming up with ideas- only to despise them more than my old math teacher the next morning- I decided I would like to explore the idea of dreaming.

source

I have always been interested in dreaming, because while we only really know a little about it, it clearly plays some sort of functioning role in our lives.

(Just see what happens to people when they are sleep deprived.)

The kinds of dreams people have really intrigue me. I had a friend tell me recently that he dreams in the third person, and that he sometimes even falls asleep in his dreams.

Apparently a small percentage of the population only dream in black in white.

And then there is lucid dreaming- a dream where the dreamer is aware that they are dreaming, and sometimes even able to control what happens thereafter in their dream. I have yet to have a lucid dream- it would make going to sleep a lot more fun though, I'm sure.

Do you have any dreams that you remember? Or are you just left with impressions, the idea of a memory with no real idea where it came from?

The only dream my brother has seemed to remember is one he had when he was a little boy. Needless to say, he is terrified that someday a giant, man eating sandwich will give him a visit someday when he is least expecting it.

(If I can make that happen, I totally will).

One of my most terrifying dreams involved Mr Darcy trying to kill me.

It's sad on so many levels. I thought he loved me.

Imagine.

2010-10-20T21:12:00.000-07:00

Have to love writers block.

Another pseudo post ;)

Cat's don't lie...

2010-10-19T19:38:00.000-07:00

Hahah. Sorry about the lack in blog posts, you will probably be getting ~~lame~~ super cool drawings from me over the next few weeks.

Remember, cats never lie.

Nearly.

2010-10-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

Source

I am almost, free said she,

I am nearly free, of my degree.

She counts down the weeks with glee,

Counts the weeks, all of them, three.

(I want to buy a Dr Seuss collection book...that man is a genius).

Your mum might tell you otherwise, but you are worth it.

2010-10-06T08:38:00.000-07:00

Me: She walks in beauty, like the night

   Of clear climes and starlike skies;

   And all that's better of dark and bright

   Meet in her aspect and her eyes:

   Thus mellow'd to that tender light

   Which heaven to gaudy day denies..

Mum: Oh for god's sake. Go eat some cake or something.

I think we've all been there. It's that feeling that sticks in your stomach, the persistent thought that creeps through your head, and becomes so strong, that it becomes your reality. The ringing voice of your mother (that will continue to haunt you).

All of these things telling you, that you're not worth it.

It's like continually being stabbed in the eye by a fork.

Every fricken day.

When you start to listen to the people who put you down, you are ultimately giving others the power to make you feel bad about yourself.

Like Eleanor Roosevelt said:

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Eleanor was a smart lady.

Once you start to listen to people who put you down, or you start to believe that you're not worth it, it becomes easier for them to make you feel bad.

I should know, I used to do it all the time. Sometimes I still do.

Luckily I wear a rape whistle now, so it's easier to block out, or scare away unwanted conversations.

It may not be using it for it's original purpose, but hey.

My night.

2010-10-04T20:03:00.000-07:00

Yeah.

Midnight.

2010-09-21T19:15:00.000-07:00

Source.

Whisper, to me / quietly, softly /

Because your words just don’t make a sound / anymore.

You had your choice / and I took your crown / its pieces are still falling /

To the floor.

We keep falling / down / down /down / below

And we can’t / be found.

I can still feel you / breathing / in the dark, that is spilling /

And I want to / but I don’t move.

While your heart is beating / the shadows are creeping /

They're stealing the light /

The moon.

And we just keep falling / down / down / down /below

To be found / no more /

No more.

A letter (oh noe, not another one)

2010-09-19T05:01:00.000-07:00

Dear ~~strange~~ lovely video shop lady,

While I'm sure that you make totally ~~retarded~~ awesome decisions on a regular basis, I'm not sure suggesting to watch The Lost Boys to your nine year old daughter is the best one. Maybe you might think she is older. Maybe she has tricked you into thinking so, by texting you on her fancy little phone:

Oh hai mam. Just so u no, i'm lyke 16 tmoroa hahahahah. I wnt a NINJAA CAT. LAWL!

Mum: Ok, but you have to promise to go to school.

(The phone is also handy for taking photos of the disgruntled, hungry video store staff, and attaching them in messages to friends)

Super cool kid: HEWYY WNEDY HAHAH. OH look at his hairr..what kind of retaerd works here LAWLL

Wendy: That's my brother. You've met him like 20 times?

Super cool midget? : Oh sorry LAWL, HAHAHHAHAHAHA. BUT LOOK AT HIS HAIRRR! WHAT A RETAERD!!

Wendy: Why do you always shout in your messages? Your mum shouldn't have given you a phone. I have one because I take the bus.

Super cool midget kid: YEARERR THE SPECIAL BUS LAWLL! But LOOOOKKK at the HIARRRR, I CLIMBED ONTO THE COUNTER TO TAKE THiS bIRdSEYE PHOTOO.

Wendy: Stop sending me photos of my brother! You know he's gonna be here right, when you come over tonight?

Midget: OHHHH NOESSSS! LAWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, your kid is little. Or she is a midget. Either way, the same principle applies.

You may not have seen me, but I was right behind you when you suggested this movie to her. You might ask, why was I behind you, I am a strange video stalker? No, you were just in the way. So now ~~you must be eliminated~~ I must write this letter to you.

I just thought I would inform you, that your daughter is a midget or a child, and as such The Lost Boys is not appropriate viewing material for her to watch. At the time you were in the Disney aisle, which I must say was a good start, but the fact that you suggested this movie to her, indicates that you are an idiot. Unless they stack that movie next to The Little Mermaid, and The Bratz Gone Wild nowadays.

The movie is way too awesome for her to watch. Unless of course, she wants to watch ~~vampires~~ people decapitate other ~~possible vampires~~ people. I know I sure as hell do. But you probably don't want your daughter to end up like me. Most likely (Actually, I'm just gonna say yes).

I actually walked into the video store for the sole purpose of renting The Lost Boys. That's right, my perfect idea of a Saturday night is watching people explode like human sausages, fly on motorbikes, and climb on the ceiling.

I'm weird, but I don't mind.

Like I'm sure you don't mind that your daughter is a midget.
Or that I took the video that your daughter shouldn't have wanted to watch, but was going to anyway.

So, sorry about that (but not really),

Sincerely,

Jen.

(XXXX VAMPIREEEE KISSSESSS LAWL)
.

You might not have guessed.

2010-09-15T22:27:00.000-07:00

Source: weheartit.

0.1 Percent of hummer owners are poets.

If you don't like someone, here are the options:

1. Write an angry, expressive poem.
2. If they don't appreciate this, express your anger by running them over in your big-ass car. Then write a poem about it.

Source: The Oatmeal

In New York City, approximately 1,600 people are bitten by other humans annually.

Okay, cool.

Is this proportionate to the reading population of Twilight? I'm gonna say, yeah. Probably.

Who is also betting that a great number of these people are men, trying to please their girlfriends, and also trying to be okay with their obsession with a fictional character?

Fan girl- I'm sorry Ben, but you're, just not Edward.

Ben- Uhh..

Fan girl- So, I've just going to take all my twilight paraphernalia off the walls now okay, and go.. (whispers) find him...

Ben- Don't leave...I can be Edward too...

Girl- But...Edward sparkles....(whispers) in the sunlight...

Ben- No, I can too. Can I just borrow your makeup bag real quick?

Girl- Why do you want my makeup?

Ben- Do you have any glitter?

Girl- Of course I don't. Glitter is so gay!

Source: weheartit

There are more chickens than people in the world.

It is time.
To either run, or start eating a hell of a lot more chicken. Just saying.

Source: weheartit

Being unmarried can shorten a man's life by ten years.

Yes, but how long will he live, if he is married? Most women are learning the secret mushroom recipe nowadays, and men are annoying, pretty much all of the time. We now shop for groceries two or three times a week. You do the math.

(No really, because I hate math).

Write to me.

2010-09-15T00:55:00.000-07:00

Source: weheartit

These are the clouds about the fallen sun,

The majesty that shuts his burning eye:

The weak lay hand on what the strong has done,

Till that be tumbled that was lifted high.

And discord follow upon unison,

And all things at one common level lie.

And therefore, friend, if your great race were run

And these things came, so much the more thereby

Have you made greatness your companion,

Although it be for children that you sigh:

These are the clouds about the fallen sun,

The majesty that shuts his burning eye.

These Are the Clouds- Yeats.

One day I hope to write something as beautiful as this.

Or alternatively someone could write something like this for me.

Both would be nice ;)

Oh...

2010-09-12T02:39:00.000-07:00

I think I've done every one of these.

Damn.

Come to the...library..

2010-09-09T23:29:00.000-07:00

There's a ghost in my bedroom..

2010-09-08T21:12:00.000-07:00

source.

Nowadays it’s hard to define particular boundaries when it comes to making music, but there are a few that remain unspoken (and unbroken), until someone comes along and crosses them.

Some people would say a band that was originally formed from a Craig’s List ad, wouldn’t be able to create a successful, and creative album. They might also say that a watering can can’t be used as an instrument, and that you shouldn’t play in haunted venues.

Well, Freelance Whales, have proved the naysayers wrong, and are here to do so again with their debut album Weathervanes.

Weathervanes is full of nostalgia for things that are lost (and that we sometimes hope to find again) - childhood, summer, magic, and the ghosts that haunt us from the past. With folk sounds that may remind some of Simon and Garfunkel, mixed with a more modern sound- this album could be considered a nice mix of ambient, electric, folk.
The rest of my review can be read here. I would advise you all to go out and listen to/buy the album (if you like good knee-tapping times that is. Plus the boys are...~~cute~~ very talented.).

Zombies vs. (Bitchen) Unicorns.

2010-09-07T21:51:00.000-07:00

It really is the eternal question.

Zombies or Unicorns?

I should probably mention around about *now* that this post is related to the release of the anthology Zombies vs. Unicorns, edited by Holly Black, and including discussions on the evil tendencies of both parties by authors such as Cassandra Clare, and Meg Cabot.

I should probably also mention, it is even more directly related to the competition/challenge being run here.

The challenge: to persuade you all that unicorns SPARKLE with rain of AWESOMENESS, while zombies are (un)dead little men children.

(Logic: Zombies are icky, Unicorns are pretttttyy).

I've mentioned unicorns a few times on this blog. I personally believe that unicorns are awesome. I actually believe this (probably because I will forever be a child).

Reasons why you should love unicorns (as opposed to zombies):

1. Drink a unicorns tears, and it will heal your insides, filling it with love, and happiness, and other MYSTICAL THINGS.

If you drink zombie tears, your kidneys will become undead, and try to eat your other organs.

2. A unicorn would make a good coat hanger.

A zombie would throw your coat out the window, and then try to eat you.

3. Unicorns make rainbows wherever they walk.

Zombies get blood on the carpet.

Source: the oatmeal

4. The oatmeal thinks they rock too.

Source: the oatmeal

Whereas this is his reference to zombies:

"The zombies push through their crappy barricade and eat them like the retarded little bitches that they are".

Oh, wait. He's talking about humans. Never mind.

5. The unicorns have a code of conduct:

Source: weheartit

Zombies don't have a code of conduct. They will eat your children, then steal all their shoes and wear them for their sick enjoyment (even though they're 10 sizes too small).

6. Unicorns have style.

Zombies have decapitated heads for snacking, in your neighbour's ten year old backpack.

Bitchen. Source: weheartit

So clearly, unicorns rule..yes?

Cool.

Here is where you lot come in now. In case you didn't know, it is Zombie Month. Yup.

If you head down to VVB32 Reads and enter the contest you could win some prizes and stuff, if you follow these steps.

But you must choose. Zombie or Unicorn?

Your comment on this post also puts you in the running for the competition!

The contest ends on the 30th of September (as will your life, when this battle comes to a head).

Hi I'm Jen! Take a long walk off a pier!

2010-09-07T05:54:00.000-07:00

I'm getting some new readers, so I thought I would introduce myself:

Hi, I'm Jen.
I'm late everywhere I go- and where I go, no one knows.
(Because I usually turn up at the wrong houses).

Your turn! Who are you? Tell me something about yourself!

In case you haven't noticed, I'm pretty cool.

I walked into the male bathroom (accidentally I swear..) yesterday at uni.

That was fun.

I had just realised my mistake, and was backing out, when a helpful voice shouts out from one of the stalls, "you're in the wrong room, love".

Well, Fthanks. I didn't know that (my fthangs make me stutter occasionally).

(Why couldn't he have kept quiet and let me make my sweet escape? Plus I think it was kind of creepy that he shouted out, considering he was in a stall, so technically shouldn't be able to see anything).

I realised as soon as I walked in, and it was like the normal bathrooms but backwards (kind of like how men are like normal people..but backwards...right?)

Anyway, that was mortifying.

And right after, I got stuck behind someone carrying an umbrella, who thought it would be appropriate to maintain his normal gait, which involved the swinging of monkey arms....except now, they involved an umbrella. About ten times I thought I was going to be stabbed by an umbrella (I couldn't overtake him...).
The eleventh time I thought he was going to be stabbed by an umbrella.

Now I have to explain all the pictures I drew of a man being stabbed by flying umbrellas (some with Mary Poppins attached...to illustrate his evil-ness obviously. If Mary Poppins is trying to kill you, there must be something very, very wrong with you) to my psychologist. WHOHOO. Hide the children!

Running around in circles.

2010-09-05T21:24:00.000-07:00

source: weheartit

In the night, I hear you cry,

So softly, in the dark.

Afraid, to be left, alone.

Afraid of the sound of my heart.

But you're half gone already,

There's whispers, a promised start,

I took you, and made you less,

Just because some guy was an ass.

This blog post may or may not be exclusively dedicated to chocolate.

I love you.

I'm sorry you're all gone now.

Really.

If you don't like cats, you don't like me......wait, what?

2010-09-05T08:12:00.000-07:00

So somehow I am becoming known as this:

source: weheartit

But I don't even have a cat.

It could be because I keep talking about cats on Facebook, perhaps. I don't know.

(meow).

(Another pseudo post. Proper one coming real soon).

Saturday Night Bites.

2010-09-04T09:29:00.000-07:00

Gutenberg's got it.

2010-09-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

Source: weheartit

Ralph Nader, (activist, attorney, author, presidential candidate, and all around super star) once said that, “there can be no daily democracy, without daily citizenship”. For many, talk of citizenship, and democracy, usually brings to mind images of men wearing togas, standing around in town squares discussing the latest news (So that would be sports, and discussion of whether assless chaps would be a good investment, let’s be realistic).

But while the terms democracy, and citizenship seem to come straight out of ancient times- and the more modern Declaration of Independence- these are words that play a large role in how we engage with our world, our country, our leaders, and other people (if you choose to go outside).

But what exactly defines citizenship, and how exactly does it operate? How does it influence democratic processes? People definitely don’t stand around scantily clad in town squares anymore. If you did, you would probably be arrested. By the same token, politicians don’t appreciate the ancient democratic process of being ‘taken out’ or ‘Julius Caesar-ed’ (Someone should have told Julia Gillard this).

Luckily, today there is an easier way for citizens to interact with their government, and engage with democratic processes. Since the invention of Gutenberg’s printing press in 1440, the (constantly evolving) media, and the journalism it produces, has provided the public with a way to take up their role as active citizens- by being well informed, and also being able to respond to what’s happening, sometimes as it’s happening.

With the rise of technology, and the move to online journalism, this process of receiving and responding to information, has become even more accessible, and diverse. In their book The Elements of Journalism, Kovach and Rosenstiel discuss the role technology, has played in citizenship and democracy:

“Technology is transforming citizens from passive consumers of news produced by professionals into active participants who can assemble their own journalism from disparate elements. As people Google for information, graze across a seemingly infinite array of outlets, and read blogs or write them, they are becoming their own editors”.

Source: weheartit

The ability for a journalist, or even a citizen (although journalists are citizens too, believe it or not), to write a story or a blog, and publish it is one that is very vital. Not only does this allow citizens to be well informed, but by providing this information to the wider public- whether it is read online, or in a coffee store- it is also giving them the forum to discuss issues that they care about and would like to change. This is a fundamental element of democracy.

Whether you have a blog (and most people do these days), or you like to write sordid, bitter letters to the editor (or you could see yourself starting a Sleepless in Seattle type affair) you are participating in the flow of information, and playing the role of an active citizen. In some cases you are taking on the role of a journalist, or citizen journalist, and in other cases the media is providing you with the forum to respond.

The role of a journalist has definitely evolved in the last few years, and it can be certain that it will continue to evolve. But the fundamental principals still apply- a journalist is a person (employed, sometimes unemployed, and questionably sober) who strives to find the truth, and tell others about it. When put in those terms, it really is that simple.

Source: weheartit

Journalists are dealers of information- information which (preferably) is important, interesting, and informative. James Carey once wrote that journalism, simply means carrying on and amplifying the conversations of people themselves (Journalists should take trains more often, because conversations are always louder there). Information is what builds successful democratic systems- the kinds where governments are open and accountable for their policies and actions, and citizens are informed and aware.

The need for press freedom is one that has been acknowledged for many years, in particular since the events that occurred in Second World War- which saw the press being heavy monitored and restricted by the government, in German and Italian regimes. The press’s independence from the government, and other institutions, is what allows it to act as a monitor, or Fourth Estate. This is a relatively modern notion that has only been practiced in the last 200 years or so. This independence is vital in order for the press to act as a positive democratic mediator between governments and their citizens- a sentiment which is expressed well by Errington and Miragliotta:

“For their part, the media are conceived as an institution to shield and to protect the individual from the excesses of the state and to facilitate the rights and liberty of the citizenry. The media are regarded as a servant of the people and one of the key guardians of the independence of the political system”.

In places where the media is restricted, such as China and Zimbabwe, citizens have less of an ability to remain properly informed, and engage with their government and how they operate. Elizabeth C. Economy, from the Council on Foreign Relations, believes that China seems to go “back and forth” in their media restrictions, “knowing they need press freedom--and the information it provides--but worried about opening the door to the type of freedoms that could lead to the regime's downfall”. Press freedom, really does play a large role in democratic freedom, and for countries like China, who are constantly growing, and evaluating their place in Western civilisation, it will continue to be an issue.

Source: weheartit

Oscar Wilde once said that “The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything. Except what is worth knowing. Journalism, conscious of this, and having tradesman-like habits, supplies their demands”. Wilde knew about a lot of things (clever chap), and journalism was one of them.

In short, journalism is important. It is important not only in our eternal quest for uncovering the truth, and the unknown, but it also plays a significant role in sustaining democracy. As long as journalists strive to share the truth, and help citizens be informed and aware about their world, this will continue to be the case.

(Seriously props if you managed to read this all. This was an assignment of mine which I thought I'd share. I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it though, considering I wrote 'assless chaps' in the introduction. It really could go any way).

Evil me vs..

2010-09-02T01:50:00.000-07:00

Source: weheartit

So yesterday was my birthday.

I used the occasion as an excuse to drop out of all my commitments and obligations (I swear, I don't do this often....), so I had a lot of free time to ~~eat a lot of cake and watch the Vampire Diaries~~ do some thinking. What if I had been born into an alternate universe?

An alternate universe where I wasn't a...

a) brilliant,
b) genius genius (genius²)
3) eternal student, who at night ~~avoids studying or talking to people~~ likes to..
c) strategically place monkeys (armed with walnuts*) in trees, by the houses of people ~~I wish would die unpleasantly~~ I really really like, while drinking insane amounts of coffee, and laughing manically into the night air,

(Yes, in case you're wondering, this is why I am behind on uni work. And I have also already had three cups of coffee. I'm sure you haven't noticed.)

*walnuts are the badass nuts.

BUT instead, I was...

An evil delinquent (just to be different...but I would be a delinquent who is secretly clever). So what exactly does an evil delinquent do?

Well they go around stealing people's hats for one thing.

They would also be inappropriate at restaurants and on dates.

Now that I think about it, this doesn't sound that much different to my regular life.

I might have to come up with something else.

I'm not a real post, but don't ignore me (or you'll regret it).

2010-09-01T22:34:00.000-07:00

Source: weheartit

(This isn't my real post for today, but this doesn't mean you should stop paying attention).

I have decided I'm going to participate in The Sketchbook Project.

I seriously love initiatives likes this. Last week I signed up (via NASA) to send my face into space. (I could explain that more, so it makes sense, but I really don't want to).

Anyway,

I am a bit of a sketcher (no, not sketchy character, but that could be applicable too).

I was going to post a few of my sketches right,

HERE

to show you I'm you know...not lying and stuff, but I decided to delete them off my facebook, and I don't have any of them on this computer.

Well actually, I have this sketch I drew on the drawtheline website, but that doesn't really count (because it's stupid). I also posted one of my other sketches (the birds) a few weeks back.
.

Source: my brain.

Anyway, I really really like this idea (almost as much as I like making fortes in my bedroom, and making origami flowers to give to myself).

Basically what you do, is choose a sketchbook from their website ($25, there's a few themes), fill it with your sketches (I plan on filling it with my sketches of Bella Swan falling on her ass), and then send it back to them. After which, it will go on an exhibition tour with all the other sketchbooks (they make sure they play nice), across north America. When the tour is finished, the sketchbook goes into a musuem/gallery, and is cataloged for public viewing.

I know you are an arty bunch.

You should give it a go.

Also, I really would like to draw an owl (maybe picking Bella up by her mangy hair, and dropping her into a lake). But this wasn't very helpful-

Source: weheartit

Until next time (which should be about ten minutes).

Things you probably don't need to know about me (but I'm going to tell you anyway)

2010-08-31T08:32:00.000-07:00

I am terribly afraid of heights. (Sort of).

Don't get me wrong, I can walk up and down staircases all day, no problem (and sometimes have). I'm talking about the real, knee bending heights.

When I was six, that was hills.

I have distinct memories of looking out the window on family drives, at the giant rising wall of concrete we were going to drive up, and thinking "oh shit, I can't do this" (like it was my decision, right?). But then again I was six, so my thoughts were probably along the lines of "oh noes we're gonna die". All I remember after that is a lot of screaming, and demanding to get out of the car (not that different to more recent memories...not all involving cars).

I am somewhat claustrophobic.

Not in the "Oh no, please don't hug me" sense (although, if you smell or you're weird, that does apply).

More in the, hating the queues in Target kind of way.

I am not being a weak Bella girl here. These queues are badass (even more so than a rabid vampire friend of mine, called Smedward).

They are long, and crowded, and the sides are filled with all sorts of things that I don't need, but want to buy at the same time. People are so loud too, but then they are surprised when you look at them (faint, pale expressionless) and they wrap their arms tighter around their purchases, like you are actually interested in what they are buying (or like you want to steal it from their sweaty fat fingers).

I would be more interested in a hippopotamuses hat.

So I guess you also know now, why I avoid Target, even though I actually like it (and why I sometimes avoid public female bathrooms...and other females in general [they tend to travel in hordes]).

Speaking of which.

I could see myself being almost every female character in Gilmore Girls (if you're a new reader, this is very much a favourite of mine).

I love Liz. I realized I could probably (in a flakier version of myself) be her, or identify strongly with her, when I watched a scene today where she's sitting in a group of angry feminists, lost in the middle of their discussion, just saying (the puzzled, and slightly frightened expression) "yeah, the yang of it, the yang of it...totally".

I could probably even see myself as Jess (without the 'tude though). If only for his love of literature and his general coolness (when he's not being beaten up by swans that is). That being said, I would rather date him.

I exude coolness.

(What are you looking at swan?)

I fear, this was a grave mistake .

2010-08-30T07:55:00.000-07:00

Source: weheartit

So I was thinking of you, which led me to think about mistakes (naturally, of course).

I've decided to make a little list of some which come to mind (besides you, because that just goes without saying)

#1 : See above photo. Because while it admittedly, looks rather cool. Is a tree in the middle of the bed really a good idea?

Or does this person want to sleep alone forever under twisted (probably rotting) branches? (Like some evil dead witch from a Grimm Brothers tale). Or maybe, that was the designer's husband, and she you know, accidentally turned him into a tree (we've all been there).

#2 : On Facebook: all there ever was, could be, and should never be.

(click through on photo)

Posting statuses that share too much, is like a constant threat on Facebook. One that I sometimes know too much.

I probably ate too much cat nibbles before writing this. Something deep inside me however, told me that book of faces would not be ready for this eloquent revelation. So mistake averted. For now.

Not for that guy's hair though. Just look at it.

(But I should probably stop letting my cat use my computer, she keeps sending stupid, grammatically incorrect messages to all my friends. [Well I'm sure she would, if I had a cat that is]).

And yes. I am going to Hogwarts on Wednesday (well I plan on it). That also happens to be my birthday, so it all ties in rather well I think.

# 3 Removing the need to enter a pin, when using a new debit mastercard.

I swear the first thing that I thought when I heard this, was "mistake".

That's just another obstacle that has been removed, in my alter-ego's mission to spend all my money in one outing. This alter-ego has been around alot lately. She's kind of starting to become my actual ego. (It's a deliciously bitter feeling).

It only occurred to me much later, that this makes it much more easier for someone whose stolen your card to use it (but there won't be much point will there, when there's nothing on it, but mere cat cents?)

Okay, well that's it for now. (But give me a week, there's sure to be more to come).

(all images, excepting facebook, are via weheartit)

Eduardo, you have such magnificent hair!

2010-08-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

Source: weheartit

Meet Eduardo.

Eduardo is fashionable (what? A man, fashionable?).

Eduardo is sensitive.

Eduardo wants to take you on a picnic. He would like nothing better than for you and him to ride out into the fine spring weather on your matching onion sellers bikes. Although he'll take the one which doesn't have flowers on the basket (most likely). Together, you will ride through small tree-laned roads, and to find a nice abandoned field somewhere to eat cheese, and drink wine.

He wants to feed you tiny-organic-mutant strawberries like you're a small, small child.

You can't help but think Eduardo is what you've been looking for all along (and yes, you've only known him for three days. But he is sensitive. Just look at his shoes)

When he looks at you his eyes smolder like dark, bottomless raisins.

Source: weheartit

Eduardo wants takes you to an abandoned field. When the grass sways, and rustles, Eduardo will assure you he isn't scared of snakes. To Eduardo, the grass sounds like the sound of crumpled paper being thrown to the floor. This is a sound he knows well. Eduardo likes to write poetry.

When you have your picnic, Eduardo will spread out the blanket for you, and then put on his ray ban glasses (He bought them on Ebay, username, Ilovepointyshoes).

When the picnic is finished, Eduardo wants to ride through the field together on your bikes. Eduardo is terribly impractical. Horribly romantic.

As you're riding, however, it will become apparent that you are not actually alone in the field. This is demonstrated by the fact that there's a large, rather angry bull standing at the far edge of the field. It is looking at you.

After a strange moment of eye contact with the bull, you turn back to Eduardo to figure out what you should do.

But, Eduardo is gone.

Eduardo is riding the onion sellers bike rather quickly across the field, his dark hair, flying (magnificently) in the breeze behind him. He gets to the fence, jumps over rather awkwardly, gets back on his bike, and peddles furiously down the lane, until he is out of sight.

Eduardo wants to leave you alone in a situation like this:

Source: weheartit

Which is why you make a promise to yourself, that you will never date a man with pointy shoes again. (No matter how wonderful his hair is).

Things that I miss. Sometimes.

2010-08-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

Source: weheartit

Good morning / Goodnight texts

Oddly enough, these are one of the reasons I miss being in a relationship (only sometimes). True, I do get them sometimes from a friend or something. Or my alarm clock. But that doesn't really count.

It's more of a loud ringing in my ear, screaming "wake up, bitch". (So, maybe it's a bit like being married?).

Source: weheartit

Being the girl of the bathroom

Because there aren't enough females using the bathroom already in my house, my brothers have decided to act like girls too.

Let me just say, I'm not one who likes to spend all my time in the bathroom. I like to shower, and then get the hell out. (Maybe it's the fear that the lights will somehow turn off, and I will accidentally summon the spirit of bloody mary or something.)

I don't even take long showers. True story. (And my hair, well there's a lot of it! So washing it is quite a task!)

Yet somehow, my fourteen year old brother manages to have a twenty minute shower.

I mean, seriously. He has almost no hair, and I know for a fact that he doesn't actually wash it (read: he's fourteen).

He then takes about fifteen minutes to actually leave the bathroom.

There has been the odd occasion that the door has been unlocked (bobby pin, where?), and I have found him just standing in the shower, staring in the mirror at himself. A strange expression on his face.

(At which point I slowly back away)

It actually creeps me out. He should at least go the full yard, and upgrade to staring at his hands or something (blood all over them...thinking, oh god what have I done? Why did I think shoving my hands into the toaster would be a good idea?)

My other brother does push ups in the bathroom before his shower.

Enough said really.

Source: weheartit

Normal People.

(I'm not saying you're not normal guys..well actually I am. But I still love you. Honest).

Normal conversations:

Me: Hey, how are you? It's been a little while?

Person: I'm pretty good...uni's been busy, but it's fun...how's the family (ect ect)

Me: How's your cat?

Person: Oh he died. His operation was four years ago, and that went well for a while..but then..

MY life:

Me: So how was your holidays.

Person: Good, good. How about you? How's motorcycle boy?

Me: Sorry? Who?

Person: That boyfriend person. That character you were seeing. That ruffian.

Me: We broke up months ago. We broke up before you went away!

Person: Oh. Right.

Silence..

Person: So you haven't had, like, a secret boyfriend for months now have you?

Me: No..?

Person: Are you sure?

Silence..

Person: weird evil laugh.

Yup.

Oh, hi. (Welcome to Jen-land, population: 1)

2010-08-25T19:22:00.000-07:00

I couldn't find a comic that said everything you would ever need to know about me (surely not to much to ask, guys?) , so I decided to make one.

There you go.

(I'm aware this isn't a real post...the monkeys are working on it, I assure you. (so it should be here soon..as long as I keep feeding them banana snack-packs).

Also. I forgot to give myself arms. I'm not sure what this means.

One.

2010-08-24T18:50:00.000-07:00

Source: weheartit.

"He saw; but blasted with excess of light,

Closed his eyes in endless night. (Milton)"

I was one of the few who saw Gavin Turner die.

Gavin Turner, South Lake’s only scholarship student, the best freestyle swimmer in the state, died on a Tuesday afternoon, by the browning grass of the school soccer field.

He had been on the track for the Olympics. Or that’s what all our teachers had told us anyway. What that had equated to, was a lot of training, inter-school swimming competitions, and some academic leniency.

In the end he had died kicking a ball.

He had left himself, his body behind, lying on the grass.
His arms spread out beside him, reaching for something. Like the fading edges of the leaves on the ground.

They said it was a heart attack that had killed him. That he had been on medication for a heart defect for nearly his entire adult life. Most people hadn’t known. It probably would have affected his ability to train all hours in the schools swimming facility.

No one had known you could actually die of a broken heart. I guess we all knew different now.

That afternoon, we watched the paramedics arrive at the school. Set up a stretcher, on our oval. Press their hands, their ears to Gavin’s chest. Trying to find a way to make him work again.

Gavin Turner died on a Tuesday afternoon by the dying, faded leaves, like a fish out of water.

But I was the only one could see him after.

I watched him sit by his body, afraid to touch it, but somehow afraid to stay away. It was almost as if he moved, he thought he might fade away forever.

Was he afraid to forget, or be forgotten?

I was the only one who could see his face, as he watched the paramedics carry his body away on the stretcher, and into the ambulance. Knowing that the ambulance was useless.

I was the one who saw him turn his face towards the sun, when he finally walked away, like it was the first time he could actually feel its rays. Like the warmth would somehow keep him alive from the inside.

Like somehow that would make all the difference.

They say the dead don’t make time for the living.

I tend to disagree.

I should know. I see them nearly every day.

(Copyright.)

My open letter to the universe (spam)

2010-08-20T08:33:00.000-07:00

This is my open letter to the universe.

But not really, because I'm sending it directly to the person in charge, and I'm just gonna keep sending until I get some answers. I will turn into the evil queen of spam.

Okay. So here's my first issue verse' (I have little respect for you right now, so am making it easier to put your name into an angry rap later. I have mad rapping skillz that can only be matched by my ability to screw everything in my life that is good).

Why oh why, did you give me such god-awful hair? Why does it insist on sticking up everywhere. It never does anything I want it to (terrible attitude..exactly the same as everyone I've ever dated). Or even on the occasions that it does, it's never for more than an hour or so. I've learnt that the hard way, oh yes I have.

Usually, by the strange looks I get by the end of evening activities or dates. I know the look well now. The first, furtive glance (I can see my hair in their reflection). Then their eyes widen a little.

Then it usually goes something like,

"Your father's going to think I've been dishonourable" (In his eyes I see him re-processing my detailed description of his military history).

Or, "What the eff has happened to your hair? All we did was see a movie." (The same look happens here).

Thanks universe. I really do appreciate it. My dad might buy a gun soon. I appreciate this.

Issue two. Why did you make me such a stupid idealist? I have the ability to romanticise nearly everything, and every relationship I have, which is fun, except when it's a LIE.

There is no Mr Darcy (guy who hates you, acts like a jerk, but then is really in love with you?). The real world killed him.

Mr Darcy is dead.

And I'm going to blame you, because otherwise I'm going to hate myself for thinking that he is real. Oops, too late.

Can you tell my why, I have no "special female skills"? (topped only by rad ninja skills, but I already have those stashed away).

I can't use eyeliner for the life of me. I either end up looking like a deer (doey eyed. aka, no eyeliner), or like a retarded (awesome) monkey.

The fact that I have actually looked up instructions on how to do this on youtube, and various other places, frightens me. The fact that I have not learnt anything useful, and that there are people making youtube videos on how to apply eyeliner, frightens me more.

Okay, universe. I have to go to bed now. But I have a lot more to say to you.
So you'll be hearing from me again. Real soon.

The sky is falling, and no one knows.

2010-08-18T22:48:00.000-07:00

Source: weheartit.

Folded in my arms you're a butterfly in reverse

giving up your wings inheriting my curse

you're letting go of

you're letting go.

Okay.

So after a whole morning of listening to Jason Wade, I've decided I need to date a musician. I want someone who can write songs about me, if they want to. Someone who can sing like Jason Wade (preferably).

Someone who knows how to make meaning, with music. With words. (With me?)
Because words and music are two of my favourite things.

Is it still a secret of nobody cares / if having the knowledge in no way impairs / your living- and feeling- the way that you breathe / knowing the things that you know about me.

This may also have something to do with the book I've been reading (Linger by Maggie Stiefvater). The main character Sam is utterly complicated, confused, and brilliant. His lyrics permeate the whole novel, reflecting what is going on around him, expressing it in ways that regular thoughts just can't sometimes.

I would say this is now my mission (to find a Sam, a Jason Wade would do too), but I know I will probably fail. Miserably.

Why I like my friends (most of the time).

2010-08-18T18:25:00.000-07:00

The lot of you are fairly cool. Nearly as cool as me. I have compiled a gallery of reasons why I could keep being your friend (Note: if you're not on here, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're not my friend, just that you're not funny. At this moment.).

Case 1: Vegan Mice

Thanks, Vegan! I sent you a facebook email about your cats!

Case 2: The rest of you.

Yes, that's right! No you're just lame!

I think you knew I would It's not just a male thing, trust me.

bring this up at some point. No.

Because if you're called into work, I may just suggest you burn it down instead.

Case 3: My mum, because she is a woman of many words.

Smile! It's the internets! (It will love you when no one else will!!)

2010-08-18T01:12:00.000-07:00

Source: This article...pretty much encapsulates my feelings
towards responsibility and adulthood. *Screams*

So I'm pretty much in a completely different mood to when I posted the other day. Which happens a lot, I don't know if you noticed. So pardon my split-personality tendencies.

They will be sure to continue (see: below)

[Insert evil laugh here (I would actually laugh but I'm losing my voice... *sadface*)]

Seriously though. I love the Internet.

I found this blog today. Annah is hilarious. To show her my appreciation of her radness, I followed her blog, found her facebook page, and LIKED it (Subtle hint to readers here..watch out for the brick that's about to hit you in the side of the face) and even may have...sent her an email..? (God, what is happening to me?)

But yes. You should check it out.

Here is some other cool things the Internet told me.

According to the newspapers and SUCH, or rather the Irish Examiner (I was going to say something witty here about examining an Irishman, BUT I'm not ready to change my content rating) June 18 is the happiest day of 2010. According to maths!

(I would like to destroy maths...forever..)

So, according to British psychologist Dr Cliff Arnall, the formula for happiness is:

O+(NxS)+Cpm/T+He.

(The formula is otherwise translated as being outdoors (O) plus nature (N) times social interaction (S) plus childhood summer memories (Cpm) divided by temperature (T) plus holiday excitement (He))

I thought myself it might have something to do with it being the day that pharmaceuticals are dispatched. Don't need maths to know that.

But anyway, don't know if this is good maths, because I distinctly remember this being the day I cried and ate everything in my house. Including the people.

So, yeah..

Death is a side effect of most things.

It's probably a little disconcerting, that as a journalism student my favourite part of the news.com.au website is the WTF area (Weird, True, Freaky). But this told me today that...

PRIZE (where's MY prize?)-winning research has found chickens speak their own language and have Machiavellian tendencies like humans

Oh, so it's not just us?

Doctor Smith says chickens, living in an environment where they compete for food, shelter and mates, can become as cunning as humans.

I'm going to be waiting for the reality show. I'd like to see chickens interacting with the humans as well though. So like two paradigms in one show (that would be awesome, right?)

Apparently, now you can also get eagles (not the team), to swoop down with your wedding rings at your wedding (over all the guests and everything). I think this is excellent in theory.

But what happens when the eagle likes your ring too much, or (far more likely) they are paid off by a disgruntled bridesmaid to peck out the eyes of the bride and groom? If that happens (much like when a screagle stalks you) you're screwed. Even if someone notices, and says something like OH WATCH OUT THAT EAGLE'S ABOUT TO EAT YOUR FACE, it will probably be too late.

Well that's it for now. The Internets wants me back, so gotta dash.

(I am fully expecting to get messages from my friends who regularly read this blog, in regards to my mental health soon).

The view from here.

2010-08-15T22:24:00.000-07:00

His bookshelf is lined with rows of obscure titles. The spines are old and worn, some with gold patterns, forming leaves and vines- twisting like they are weaving their way upwards towards an invisible sun. I have the overwhelming urge to run my fingers along their edges. To feel the words they contain.

It’s a small room, largely unfurnished, except for a bed, and the bookcase. Strewn by the foot of the bed is a backpack, which somehow seems far too practical. Not quite matching the Russian and German authors, their gold veined books lining the far wall of the room.

I wonder in that moment, if he is named after the poet.

If this…obsession with words, is inherited, or something he found all by himself.

Standing in this room, full of words said, and even more unspoken, I wonder a lot of things.

[Copywright, and such].

Soul of mine.

2010-08-12T00:30:00.000-07:00

Van Morrison once said that part of becoming a musician is accepting the inevitable change, not only within yourself, but also your music. For an industry that is constantly growing and evolving from within, this seems like a rather appropriate sentiment.

There have been times where change simply hasn’t worked though (INXS, anyone?). Fortunately for Brisbane group Mapletons, their new EP Origami Army - complete with two new band members - this isn’t one of those times.

The current incarnation of Mapletons features Anita Goldsworthy as lead vocalist, Derek Orr on guitar, Carl Roosmale-Cocq on bass, and Mitch Clark on drums.

Anita Goldsworthy, put simply, is gold (see what I did there?). The decision to put her on lead vocals is one I doubt the band will regret. Her voice seems to have the ability to turn mere notes into liquid amber (and mortals into men…etc.).

The rest of the review can be read here :

http://www.theaureview.com/albums/mapletons-origami-army-2010-ep

I really do recommend having a listen to some of their music. It is worth it!

Am I dreaming?

2010-08-11T07:06:00.000-07:00

O body swayed to music, O brightening glance,

How can we know the dancer from the dance?

-W.B Yeats

I kind of feel like I've been living in a dream. I'm not really quite sure how to go about explaining it, but it's similar to that 'almost' feeling you get when you wake up, after a vivid dream. Like there's something there, and it could or couldn't be important, but you don't really know, because it's just out of your reach.

I think I'm chasing that feeling. Whatever it is. It comes back to me sometimes in little ways. When I step out of my comfort zone and do something different. When I find that new book, worthy of escaping to. When I meet that new person, who makes my heart jump. And I don't know, but I think I may actually recognise him from my dreams (this has not happened yet as such...I will know when it does, believe me).

But this feeling I'm talking about, if you haven't felt it (and you should have), are you not trying to find it? Because somedays, I think everyone is. If you're not, I kind of have to ask...why?

Maybe it's that I'm losing my grip on reality a little, I don't know (some may have noticed). I think it's more to do with the fact I am refusing to accept the reality that is falling in my lap. Why accept something that "just is", because it's there, when you know that there's the possibility of something better just a little farther out of your reach? (If you just work a little harder?)

I refuse to accept my current reality, because every single day I am working towards dreaming up my own. In the little ways, yes. But in a much bigger, and more wonderful way too. This may not make any sense right now, but one day this reality with collide with yours, and then you will understand.

There's a reason why I never stopped looking to the stars.

This pretty much says it all.

2010-08-10T17:40:00.000-07:00

Where it all began.

2010-08-06T22:16:00.000-07:00

"My birthday began with the water -

Birds and the birds of the winged trees flying my name

Above the farms and the white horses

And I rose

In rainy autumn

And walked abroad in a shower of all my days".

'Poem in October' from Dylan Thomas' Collected Poems ( London: Phoenix, 2003) (I love Dylan Thomas, if you haven't read any of his work, I highly recommend you do).

Those who know me, would know I'm a little bit in love with words. It can be a bit of a dangerous obsession really, because there are so many ways to misuse them. People abuse them easily. Like drugs.

If you are able to use them well, then I will probably like you a lot more than I should. Use the right ones, and there's bound to be some trouble. Truly.

As a writer, I'm always trying to find new ways to make words navigate the mess inside my head. Sometimes, it seems to work. There are times though, when there are not enough words. They seem inadequate.

Like they are unable to fully encompass the briefest moment, the furtive glance, the feeling you feel inside your chest when you are experiencing something new. That moment of stillness you have when you're amongst the chaos, where you realise that everything is going to be okay.

On the other hand, sometimes I seem to drown in words. They literally cloud my mind, waiting to be formed, waiting for something more. Those are usually my creative moments.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, words are a terribly, beautiful thing.

You should use them with both caution, and abandon.

Ten reasons why I'm cooler than you, and possibly your mum.

2010-08-06T03:19:00.000-07:00

1. I am ready to go to Hogwarts.

I may or may not have already packed my bags (they sit there all sad and lonely). My uniform (stolen from the costume store..) is all ironed and pressed, neatly hanging in the front of my cupboard. In this position, I see it every time I get dressed for work and uni, and feel suitably depressed for the rest of said morning. The day I actually have reason to reach for it, and wear it proudly, better come soon. Just saying.
I'm just waiting for the invite.The day I am invited will be the best day of my life.
Except for maybe that day, that I ate all that cake.

2. I attract really cool people (therefore am cool too, of course).

This is a depiction of me before (fairly accurate):

Conversation:

Him: "I like you, we should go out sometime. You could be my Bella."

Me: "Oh, um. I don't want to go out with you. Sorry, if you thought I did". [This seems rude, but there had been a lot of similar discussion before this].

Him: "You could come to my house then. I can cook you dinner, and show you all the photo's I took of my cat. They're very artistic ^.^"

Me: "I'm busy....sorry. I need to vacuum my house that day...."

Him: "What day?"

Me: "The day you want me to come over."

Him: "But what day is that? I haven't told you a day yet.

Me: "I vacuum my house every day."

(I am going to go to hell for lying)

The next week...

Him: Come to a poetry reading with me. The theme is homoeroticism. I think you'd really like it.

Me AFTER conversation:

3. I am the funniest person I know.

Demonstrated by the fact that I had a twenty minute laughing fit the other evening, at myself, by myself, at something I had said to myself.

Enough said really.

4. I discovered that if you eat all the chocolate in the house, you won't actually die, (like you've been told).

I KNOW RIGHT! IT'S UNBELIEVABLE!

You will however, if it is discovered you ate all said chocolate. It's best to just pretend there was no chocolate to begin with.

5. According to my mum, you are in love with me.

You are therefore a weaker sub-species to me. I eat human hearts for breakfast, didn't ya know? Tastes better than cornflakes.

6. My mum is my source of all knowledge.

As demonstrated above. If I need to check a source for a story I've been working on, I'll just ask mah mum. She's like Google, but better. Cool.

7. I pretend boys are acting like Fred Astaire, when they really aren't (Fred. How could you do this to me?)

Eg:

Lady comes through restaurant, with flowers. [This mortifies me, as I am on a date, and don't want to be targeted. Why can't people just leave me be??]

Lady- "Would you like to buy a rose"
M- "Yes I'd like to by a rose, for my girlfriend".
[I'm sorry, what, I'm your girlfriend now? When did this happen?]
Lady- smiling, and watches M pull out his wallet with beady, glistening eyes.
M- Looks in wallet, turns to me. Could you buy it, I'll pay you back? I have no money on me.
Lady- Face falls, her eyes are turning dark, her pupils to black. What? You can't expect her to buy her own flowers? [looking from me to mah new boytoy [he WILL pay me back] ]

Needless to say, I am so cool, I bought myself date flowers, which I would have never have bought in the first place. Take heed gentlemen. I am learning. Fast.

8. I may or may not have a contract out on my head.

I'm not entirely sure, which makes it a little more dangerous really. Let's just say, that the situation with M did not work out well. He is also Italian, and his family name is invested in what seems like a shady "cover" business. I'm not just being paranoid, mah mum thought so too. So you know, it must be true.

Needless to say, his family owns a joint in town. Whenever I walk past it, some will notice me looking around the area carefully.

Yes.

I am looking for black SUVs (with the windows blacked out perhaps?) and people unusually interested in the window menus.

They will say something to me along the lines of, "You broke his heart, now we get to break your legs".

Exciting!

9. I'm so cool my younger brother deleted me off Facebook.

Do I need to say anymore?

10. I got excited when I found there was a place for women to "vent and bitch" on the internet (actually true).

But, wait. That's what we've got blogger for right?

Between somewhere, and nowhere..

2010-08-04T23:13:00.000-07:00

I see the burning first, before anything else. The sparks that grow, and consume. Greedily they are reaching, breathing a life of their own. Stealing someone else’s.

I look up to the dark, inky sky- there are a million stars spread overhead, their light slowly fading to join the darkness. I feel a tightness in my chest working itself through my entire body.

I really don’t want to be here.

Fighting the numbness, I close my eyes tightly, willing the images, the feeling, and all their reality to fade. When I open my eyes, the scene has sharpened to a painful focus. As far as I can see, I am surrounded by open field. The thick, tangled grass blows with an invisible wind.

The smell of flowers surrounds me, even though there are none to be seen. The scent is familiar, and warm, and…painful. I can’t remember how I know it, why it makes me feel this way.

The smell, the name is on the edge of my tongue, waiting to be recognised.

Lily.

As soon as I think it, she is standing in the field, only a few meters away from me.

She is wearing her white dress, the one with little daisies on it. It is one of her favourites. It was what she wore the last time I saw her.

She smiles at me, and reaches out a hand. I am too scared to reach back, afraid that she will disappear if I do. Afraid the air will somehow swallow her up.

There is a small sound, and she suddenly looks down, at the blossoming red growing on the front of her dress, dripping down to her feet.

I cry out, beg her to look at me, but she just stares at the blood, in a quiet fascination. I know where I am, what is happening. Once again I am useless to stop it.

“Mum,” I say it, hoping she will understand. That she will somehow realise that she needs to stay. She needs to stay here with me.

She looks at me a moment, but her dark eyes are fading to lilac, her hair drifting like smoke.

I reach out to her, trying to hold a part of her, but just like that she is gone. And somewhere in a faraway distance, I can hear the sound of sirens.

[You know the drill...Copyright and all that jazz. Just felt like sharing a little of what I've been working on].
[Image: via weheartit.]

Awkward...much?

2010-08-03T23:29:00.000-07:00

So, originally I planned to blog about my first week of classes, but apparently that would put me at risk of being sued..so, we're going to scrap that.

Instead, I've decided to translate some of my favourite quotes to real life instances. This shall be fun.

Instance 1: (Taken from the hit TV show Chuck. Most of you would have noticed, I like this show).

"Big Mike: What are you thinking?

Jeff: Pineapple."

This kind of conversation really, could end up anywhere. The most likely scenario would be (Okay, I said I wasn't going to talk about this...I lied [Disclaimer: Lying is bad in...most circumstances].)

Discussion about my angle in a story I'm pursuing for the newsroom

"Editor [teacher]: What are you thinking? (With that terrifyingly critical look on his face).
Me: (Panicking slightly, as in fact, I have not come up with a lead or an angle as such)....pineapple".

*Filled silence*

"Editor: I thought you were going to write about the effect the super mining tax would have on everyday citizens?
Me: Yes that's right."

I'm not sure what would happen past this point, most likely I would stick with that angle, and try to make it work. Or go die somewhere, slowly in the corner.

Instance 2: (Taken from Gilmore Girls. Enough said, really).

Rory: "If we were gazelles, we’d be the first ones eaten at the watering hole."

Lorelai: "Well, be thankful we’re not gazelles. Now go take your shower. You’re starting to look like you’re starring in an independent film."

Lost in Fremantle (which could really happen at any point). Let's say it's a first date?
(I am hopelessly hopeless at navigation, in all physical areas, and emotional areas of my life, and this was a real instance...sort of).

Me: (Dreary eyed, and disillusioned. Disappointed that I am on a date, with a man who cannot actually navigate. Wondering if this is an oxymoron, and ultimately changing the whole nature of the date [I get philosophical as the night wears on] ): "If we were gazelles, we'd be the first one's eaten at the watering hole".

After staring at the sky for a moment, I look to find my date is actually a few hundred metres away, looking in the opposite direction for me (I assume). I wonder if the problem is with him, or me. Maybe it's with both.

Then, a voice comes from behind me..

A street urchin, of the Fremantle persuasion is standing next to me. His eyes wide, his hair mad.
"Well, be thankful we’re not gazelles."
I stare at him a moment, and he starts to back away from me, before running down the street.
He yells over his shoulder: "Now go take your shower," raising his empty bottle into the night air.

I stand stiffly, frightened that this is the most conversation I've had all night. I look for my date, and see him coming from around the corner down the street. Why he was around there I have no idea.

[Hookers on Google Street View]

We find the car...eventually.

It is so late by this point, that my hair has lost all it's styling and reverted back to it's horrid, original state. We reach my house, and we stop just outside the driveway. He doesn't try to kiss me. I don't mind.

He stares for a moment, and then says: "You’re starting to look like you’re starring in an independent film".

I open my door myself, and go into my house. I don't bother to see if he's texted me the next day, or later that evening.

[Note: Clearly I am a writer. Elements of this story are true, I'll leave that for you to decide. He did however text me, and there was another date].

Okay, I've had fun with this. Have you?